Networking For the Shy

Career networking is not easy to start for anyone, whether you are naturally gregarious or terrifically shy. It pulls us out of our comfort zone because it makes us vulnerable to others. Yet, acceptance and or rejection is as much a part of networking as job interviewing. Certainly, it's likely that some people you are reaching out to may not be able to or want to help. Other people may surprise you will how much they do help.

Believe it or not, getting rejections can be a good sign. It can mean you are doing your job! Let me tell you about a salesman who loved rejection. He was known to be quite pleased after he left a business that turned down his product. Why, you ask. Was he crazy? No, not at all. What this very rational man knew was that winning a sale was the realization of a statistical probability. He knew that it took a number of rejections before a sale came through. By viewing life this way, as it actually is, he was able to keep an upbeat attitude that contributed to his successful sales record.

We all need that perspective. As a beginning networker, you have lots of people to call. Not everyone is going to help. Statistically, though, it's quite probable that some people will be delighted to help. Along the same lines, of those who spend time with you, not everyone is going to have worthwhile advice. Yet, statistically, there are going to be some great nuggets of advice coming your way.

The next time you are at a networking event, here are some steps to take to focus in on the right people, people you should be glad to owe indebtedness.

1. Don't try to talk with everyone. Your goal is not to return home with everyone's business cards. So, you will need to spend some time talking with people, assessing their capacity and willingness to become part of your network.

2. Rehearse your main points in advance. If you're shy, you are also likely to be detail oriented. Use this to your advantage by customizing your "pitch"  to your networking contacts as they will all have different ways they may be able to help.

3. Remember, it's okay to be uncomfortable reaching out to strangers. Most people are flattered if someone approaches them in the right way. One day a very enterprising person called me and even though I was very busy, she convinced me to go to lunch with her. For lunch, this woman arrived dressed for a job interview, making me feel that she valued the time I took with her. About half way through the meeting, I found her to be smart and resourceful. Had I known of a job, I certainly would have passed along the news to her. A few months later, her photo in the newspaper's business section accompanied an announcement of her great new job. Who knows how many rejections she encountered or how much time she spent being uncomfortable. In the end, it all paid off.

4. Be patient. Be prepared to spend a lot of time developing your network. It's not realistic to believe that you're going to receive enough valuable job leads from a single or even a few networking sessions. Also, don't expect new acquaintances to give you recommendations to their trusted peers if they have just met you. It takes time to build trust.

5. Set goals that work for you. Remember that it's better to reach out to a handful of people each day than nobody at all. This isn't an all-or-nothing competition. Someone else may be glad-handing dozens of people a day, but it's far better to focus on the quality of your connections than the quantity.

6. Value what you have. Most shy people are effective listeners. Listening is a key aspect to successful networking. Everyone appreciates the person who remembers their details. If you are a good listener, know that you possess a valuable attribute.

7. If you are shy, you may need to work on your body language. This means learning how to use good posture to your advantage, how to maintain a comfortable, natural level of eye contact and learning how to smile at the right time. Work with a friend to get feedback on your body language and consult one of the many books on this subject.